I'm such a stupid, retarded, asshole. No, i'm worse than an asshole, i'm like a f***ing b*tch! I know, that Izy and Sandra and everyone is trying to assure me that I'm not being replaced. But its still this feeling of being dragged farther and farther away from all my friends in San Diego, I used to call them (or they call me) everyday, now...I barely pick up the phone because I know its not them. I'm so dumb aren't I? I bet Ryan or Nolan don't get all fussy about this stupid, thing, but naturally I do. So what happened, Sandra's status on facebook, you know when you comment and then you get little memos saying whenever someone else comments on it. Yeah, well so Izy, Sandra and Sina were having this full on conversation about going to Korea and stalking famous Korean singers. And they know I'm there because I commented, and Sandra acknowledged me but, it was like...like....i wasn't supposed to be there, reading their comments. It's a painful feeling.
Sandra is trying to cheer me up...its not really working...
Its funny, when I was talking to Izy...I was telling her how she should stop with the "what if's" and to just ask the person out...while I on the other hand, hasn't even talked to the guy I like in over 5 months.
I hurt...in my chest...my heart. When I talk to Izy, whenever she leaves, she always say "abayo" "oyasumi" and something like "daisuki". But today, after I yelled at her..do you know what she said....she said "see ya". That hurts, I know she didn't do it on purpose...she probably did it without thinking...it's just that.............i can't help it. *sigh* im a dumbass
